Today, a news anchor, particularly a cable news anchor, could be made out of anyone, assuming they come pre-packaged with the personality of an android set to “telemarketer” mode and the inability to decipher fact from fiction. I’m so confident that any human alive could easily turn themselves in to a modern cable news anchor that I’ve broken down the process in to 8 easy to follow steps that anyone can use to get their faces on TV and their mouths talking about crap their minds can’t even comprehend.
Don’t believe me? Here are some testimonials from satisfied followers of my plan…
“Before I followed Luis’ plan I was a chimp. A real, honest-to-God chimp. As in chimpanzee. I ate bananas and everything.” –Definitely not Steve Doocy
“Whenever I decide to become a real journalist, I’ll follow the patented Prada Plan!” –Probably Chris Matthews